I made a big deal, with a girl who can't bleed
by Thatemilykid
Summary: it begins with the beginning of a break up...FINISHED IT!
1. Chapter 1

As the morning sun came through the window, Remy pulled the covers back over her head and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and pulled them back. She kept her eyes averted from the other side of the bed and tried to forget that there was ever anyone there when she woke up.

She spilled the coffee she made. She didn't eat breakfast. Her hands shook as she turned the key in the ignition and held the steering wheel.

She spent the day in the clinic and hid as best she could from House, and her now ex. That thought made her heart hurt, it made her throat ache, it made her eyelids heavy and her body weak. She sat, locked away in an exam room for an hour before Cuddy found her.

"I'm fine, really," She had tried to persuade her but Cuddy didn't buy it for a second.

"You're obviously not. I'll tell House you're sick. Go home."

"But I-"

"Home. Dr. Hadley"

"_**Day one, day one,**_

_**Start over again,**_

_**Step one, step one,**_

_**I'm barely making sense,**_

_**From now I'm faking it,**_

_**Til I'm pseudo making it-**_

_**From scratch**_

_**Begin again,**_

_**But this time**_

_**I as I**_

_**And not as we,"**_

There was a bar, on a small back road that she took on the way home. She'd never been here before. That was what she needed, to be somewhere where nobody knew who she was, what had happened and she could drink without anybody asking what was wrong.

It was larger than she had expected and all wood. Large beams on the ceiling reminded her of her ex's attic. They'd hidden in there the first day that she'd ever gone there. House had called and they'd hidden in the attic. That's where they had had their first kiss.

FIRST KISS was the first drink. She knocked back the scotch without even a second thought as to how she was getting home or what any of the bikers, or the old men who looked like they should be set up in a country club somewhere would think to a girl, no a woman, sitting alone at the bar drinking straight whisky.

The next four drink s all had reasons to; The eyes that always made her blush, the hands that held her waist tight whenever it crossed her mind that they'd break up, sleeping holding each other, and the way that her name was always the first thing that she heard when she woke up.

She got up and went out to her car. Her hands weren't shaking this time when she turned the keys in the ignition, or when or when she held the steering wheel. They didn't shake the whole time she drove home, and how she did she wasn't sure.

The key turned in the lock and she walked straight through to her room. She threw her weight down on her bed, on the other side and breathed in deep.

It still smelled like Allison.


	2. Chapter 2

It shouldn't be weird going to work.

We work on different floors, in different departments, and anyway, no one had known about them anyway. Cameron couldn't have handled it; Hadley knew that from the beginning, that it was going to have to be a clandestine thing but she hoped after a while Alli'd get more confident. Unfortunately they never got to that part.

She hadn't seen her, but she knew she was there. She sensed her, she heard people talking about her and from what they were saying, she was completely normal not even a little bit phased.

"_**I made a big deal with a girl who can't bleed"**_

Well, if Cameron wasn't bothered then neither was she. Right…

She had gone back in for a few days after Cuddy had suggested she take some time off but on the fourth day she saw Cameron.

She passed her in the ER. They both stopped and stared at each other.

"um, hi.." Cameron started the conversation as always

"hi,"

Then the awkward silence came, like when they first were together

"I've got to go" Hadley said

"right, House, crazy, bye"

"yeah"

Remy practically ran away from the ER. She stopped by the double doors and turned back to see Cameron talking to a nurse, smiling and laughing.

'God," Hadley thought, "she really doesn't care."

The thought rolled around her brain for the rest of the day, all the time in the differential, on the way home, even whilst she was watching TV. Every time a couple came on the screen she would choose a side and scrutinise their other half. Does she actually love you? Do you really think he means that? and always finally turning on herself. How could I have been so stupid?

She sat on the floor with a tee shirt that Allison had left at her house. She picked up the phone, purely to tell her that she had it. It was NOT a ploy to get her to come over, it was definitely not a pretend reason to yell at her, or see if she was bothered by their break up.

It didn't matter why she did it in the end. She wasn't home. Or at least, she didn't answer.

Maybe she has call ID on, she doesn't want to talk to you. Maybe she's not bleeding because she hates you.

Maybe I can bleed for us both. She walked to the kitchen and pulled out a knife. She pressed the cold metal against her arm and tried to will herself to do it but she couldn't.

She reverted back to being a teenager again and walked into the bathroom. She hates you, she told herself, you made a total fool of yourself, she's probably out with House making jokes about you liking her. She closed her throat up a few times and shoved her finger down it.

The acid burned her throat, her eyes pricked with tears and she felt weak.

She threw back a shot and hit her bed, still fully dressed she fell asleep hoping to dream anything but Cam.


	3. chapter 3

"_**FLASHBACK"**_

As Hadley walked out of the hospital for the night, she was stopped by her name being called. It was a woman's voice, soft and sweet with a slightly bitter twinge. She turned to see Dr. Cameron walking up behind her.

"Hey, Cameron"

"Hi," Cameron smiled that Cameron smile at her as she caught up with her, "Are you done?"

"Yeah, House finally let us go home…why?"  
"Uh, I just wondered if you wanted to get a drink maybe?"

"Chase is working?"

"Yeah, plus, you know, you're House's sole female employee. Been there done that, thought you might like some pointers."

"Sure, thanks."

They walked out together and ended up at a bar about twenty minutes from PPTH.

"So, what do you drink?" Hadley asked, "wait, let me guess. Mm, something sweet, like…cosmopolitan?"

"Okay…but let me guess yours first. I'm thinking a little harder than a cosmo…mm, straight beer or…Gin and Tonic."

"Way off, how about you?"

"I've had a cosmopolitan, once in my life. The day I turned twenty one, and I've never even been near one since."

The bar tender came over and winked at them.

"What can I get you girls?" he was a larger man, with a large skull tattoo on one shoulder that was coming down out of the sleeve of his tee-shirt and a sleeve of tattoos on the other arm.

"Vodka and lime juice." They said in unison.

The bar tender walked away as Cameron and Hadley looked at each other.

"Didn't expect that," Hadley was the first to talk,

"Yeah, me either." Cameron said quietly still stunned.

"Oh, oh! Has he asked you if it's the time of the month yet?" Cameron asked Hadley laughing

"Yeah…well not like flat out asked me but yeah."

"all the time. Every friggin week for a month." Cameron laughed harder.

She went to take a drink and found her glass was empty.

"I'm out, you want more?"

"How many of these have we drunk?" Hadley asked

"eight." Cameron said matter of factly.

"Maybe we should stop? Work tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah, okay. Well I should get home you know…" Hadley detected a hint of…what was that? disappointment in her voice.

"Well, you don't have to go home." Hadley said, "you could stay with me or come back for a bit."

"I um…that's really nice but I'm just…"

"seriously? He told you?"

"Foreman, told Chase and Chase has a big mouth." Cameron said getting up and following Remy out of the bar.

"Well, what if I promise that it will only be like another drink, seriously, even though I am obviously drunk, I will not try anything." Hadley said leaning against a lamp post whilst they talked.

"Mmhmm, okay alright yeah. Yes. Okay." Cameron rambled.

"Okay, but not just yet, I don't think I can move."

Cameron beamed at her and swayed a little because of the alcohol.

"Hey, Remy?"

"Yeah Cameron?"

"Don't call me Cameron, 'kay? It's Allison, or Allie actually"

"Okay Allie," the sound of her actual name falling from Remy Hadley lips made Cameron do something she hadn't done since high school truth or dare.

She leant forward and pressed her lips on Remy's.

"wow," Remy whispered.

"Yeah." Cameron replied.

Hadley linked her fingers with Cameron's and they made their way back to Remy's house.


	4. against all odds

Allison Cameron was late for work. She was half dressed, it was just her shirt that she couldn't find. She'd already planned to wear it so now not being able to find it had completely thrown her off course. The last time she had had it was at…Foreman's birthday, she'd worn it then when they'd gone out for drinks and then they-she and Remy-had gone back to Remy's. She'd gone in to work in just her tank top and her jacket the next morning.

Damn.

She pulled out the CBGB's tee shirt in her drawer and grabbed her bag. She drove to work frustrated, she slammed her locker open and closed as she got ready, and she locked herself in an exam room in the clinic before anyone else could see her. She was staring into space lying back on the table when the door handle moved. She sprang up off the table and moved away from the door. Keys opened the door and Remy Hadley walked in.

"I was just-" Cameron started

"Yeah, no, sorry I didn't mean to-"

"You didn't"

"I'll just go"

"Tee shirt."

"What?"

"Um, my tee shirt, I think I left it at your house."

"oh, um…." Hadley mumbled something under her breath

"What?" Cameron asked

"yes." Hadley said really quietly.

"Okay, well if I can get it back that'd be great." Cameron walked past her and allowed herself to brush against Hadley.

Hadley ran her hand down Allie's arm and she stopped moving.

"I need it." Hadley said, "I need you."

"I can't" Cameron whispered.

She stayed standing there for a few minutes before walking back into the room.

"just stop, okay? Stoppit." Cameron said to Hadley

Hadley looked down and then back up at Cameron, she nodded slowly and held her arms out a little. Cameron walked into them and allowed herself to relax into the hug. Hadley pressed her cheek against Cameron's and she moved her face back a little. Allison brushed her lips against Remy's lightly and then backed out the embrace.

"I'm sorry," Cameron said tears in her eyes.

"can't we talk?" Remy asked

"okay. Tonight, at the bar. I'll meet you."

"okay."

**DUM DUM DUM….okay so not really, but I am getting to "what happened??" that everyone's been asking. Thanks for all the reviews. Xx M**


	5. Chapter 5

**thank you guys SO much for all the reviews, it makes me want to write more, and fast.**

**Well, here's chapter five, Hadley and Cam, in a bar…**

**Oh and my song-inspiration for this one was, "who am I to say" by Hope**

Sitting in the bar across the table from each other Allison Cameron and Remy Hadley are both doing their best not to make eye contact with the other. Remy holds onto her glass with both hands and stares into her drink, Allison plays with her hair and chews her lip.

"So," Allison says, she really doesn't want to be there and she's hoping that the sooner this is over with the sooner she can go home and pretend that nothing ever happened.

"I understand why." Remy says, trying to make eye contact, "I just think…I think that…"

"That I'm being stupid, that I don't love Chase so I'm going to be alone, that I-" Allison sounds like a sullen teenager being told off in class,

"I think that you're stronger than this. I think that you running around like you're fine is bull and I think that you can do this, you just don't want to." Remy downs her drink and then stares at Allison and waits for a response.

Cameron does nothing, she takes a sip of her drinks and stares back.

"I am acting like I'm fine because I have to. As much crap as House gives you, he's already over the fact that you like girls, he'd roast me alive. And if you're gonna yell at me then maybe I don't want to do this." She says breathing hard

"Oh so you're blaming this on House? You worked under him for three years and you can't take him?"

"It's not that simple Hadley,"

"Do you even remember what you said to me when you left?"

"**FLASHBACK"**

Remy woke up expecting her girlfriend to be lying next to her, neither of them were on call or had to be in before ten but when she put her arm across she met the bed and only that.

She sat up and listened. The TV was on and she smelled coffee, Allie was already up. She walked out into the lounge in just her tank top and underwear. Allison was sitting on the couch fully dressed, coffee in hand watching the morning news show.

"Hey," Hadley sat next to her and kissed the side of Cameron's head. Cameron turned to her and smiled, then moved away a little. Hadley frowned but thought nothing of it.

"There's more coffee in the kitchen." Cameron said turning the TV off.

"Okay, thanks." Remy got up and poured herself some coffee,

"Hey can I talk to you?" Allison asked moving into the kitchen and sitting down at the breakfast bar.

"Sure," Hadley leant up against the bar and looked at Cameron, "what's up."

"I really like us, okay, and I really like you,"

"Oh."

"it's just that, I don't know that this is…right, for me. I'm just not sure that this is who I am."

Hadley looked away from Cameron.

"I'm sorry Hadley, look at me?"

Hadley looked up, her nose was red and her eyes were glassy, she bit her tongue to stop the tears.

"I just can't do this." Cameron stood as close to Hadley as she could get and rested her hands on the other woman's hips. She pressed her forehead to Hadley's and kissed her as gently as she could.

She turned away and walked out of the apartment leaving Hadley to sink to the floor.

"**END FLASHBACK"**

**Who am I to say you love me**

**I don't know anything at all**

**And who am I to say you need me**

**I don't know anything at all**

"I meant it." Cameron says "I don't know how to do this."

"How hard is it? You've had real relationships before," Hadley says

"This is different," Cameron says

"Because I'm a woman?" Hadley asks

"and because this is different…this…you wanted it to be…really real."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. But if you still can't do this then I'm going."

"Don't. I want to be…friends?" Cameron asks quietly.

Hadley stands up and grabs her bag,

"I don't want to be friends with you." She says and walks out of the bar

"What did you think was going to happen Remy?" Cameron shouts to her, "honestly?"

"I thought you loved me." Remy says before running out.

**I promise it'll get better…I've just got to work it out in my head before I can start to write it.**

**Love**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you guys again for the reviews…this week's updates might be a little delayed I've got a couple of massive tests and it's my birthday so…**

It had been a week since the disastrous meeting in the bar but Remy was beginning to deal with Cameron's not liking her liking her, so much that she'd got a new girlfriend. A nurse in the ER named Gabi.

With her hair pulled up and a Blink 182 tee shirt on she walked into the hospital and for the first time in two weeks didn't even think about whether Cameron was around or there. But, as always, fate wasn't going to allow that to happen without consequences. She ran to the lift that was closing as she approached. She got it. There was only one other person in there; Allison Cameron.

"Good morning Dr. Cameron." Remy was still being polite, even if it was slightly forced.

"Doctor." Cameron kept staring at her shoes.

Remy couldn't help but check her out, she looked good, she always looked good. Her hair was a little messed up and she was tired, Hadley could tell she couldn't see much else, Cameron's body language was blocking her.

The lift hit the fourth floor and Hadley got off to go meet House. He was waiting outside the lift.

"Rendezvous in the lift 13?" He asked

Remy turned to see if the lift was still open, it was

"No, as if Cameron's got the guts to do that," she didn't say it quite as loudly as she could have, but she knew Cameron had heard her.

Friday night rolled around and Hadley was waiting in the ER to meet her date. Cameron walked past her, Hadley jumped up off the seat and swallowed hard. Cameron had stopped next to her.

"Sorry," Hadley said reflexively. She was used to House yelling at her for sitting around.

"No problem. So, uh, I hear you have a date with one of my nurses?" Cameron asked her, burying her head in a chart

"Yeah, Gabi…she's nice you know?"

"Yeah, I do."

"SO, um…Foreman said something about you and chase?" Hadley said before she had a chance to think about what she was saying.

"Chase really does have a big mouth." They both laughed, "Yeah. I'm seeing him after I finish tonight, midnight movie…whatever."

"Oh."

They stood awkwardly for a little while. The air was thick with tension and neither of them knew what to say or do

"well, look I better go, patients to see and that."

"yeah. Bye Allison. Uh, Dr. Cameron."

"Allie's still fine." Cameron said before turning the corner.

"Allie." Remy whispered to herself.

Her eyes suddenly went dark, a pair of hands had covered them.

"Gabi?" She said turning around.

"Hey," Gabi was a little shorter than her, a little shorter than Cameron, she had dark hair and a cute half smile. She laughed like a kid and was always energetic no matter what. It was a nice change of pace from Allison.

Gabi rested her hands on Remy's hips and Remy pushed Gabi's hair off her face. She kissed her quick but hard. They held hands as they walked out. A few people watched them go and there were a few audible gasps.

Cameron watched from around the corner. Her heart sank a little, but she kept a smile on her face. She was determined that she wasn't going to actually fall for Remy. She was a woman, she liked Chase.

Only problem was, she liked Remy more.

Cameron pulled her phone out of her coat pocket and dialled Chase's number.

"Hey Al, what's up?" She grimaced, she HATED being called "Al".

"Um, not much just, I'm really not feeling well, could we take a raincheck on tonight? Maybe in a few days?" she hated lying but she felt that this was necessary.

She couldn't stomach the stunted conversation, the obligatory end of night kiss, the probable placid sex that would follow. She knew she couldn't lie there and pretend she loved him without hating herself.

"Yeah, sure. Are you sure you're okay? You don't want me to come over? Maybe bring some movies or something?" He was too sweet. Not in a good way

"Yeah I'll be fine really, I think I just need to sleep."

"Well, okay, take care Cam." He hung up. She put her phone away and walked into her office.

She locked the door and sat on the floor. She waited to see if she was going to cry. She didn't. she waited ten minutes and then went back out.

She found the other attending.

"Max! Hey, I'm really sorry to do this to you,"

"You're sick." He said after taking one look at her.

"yeah, I really am I'm so sorry to be leaving you like this."

"Go home, sleep, come back in a couple of days, I'll deal with Lisa."

"Thanks Max."

She grabbed her bag and left for the night.

She wasn't entirely sure what had brought on the sickness but she was pretty sure it was seeing Remy and Gabi together.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a Thursday night, and the fifth night that Cameron had seen Remy leave with Gabi. Gabrielle. She had never rearranged the date with Chase, and now watching her ex and her new girlfriend walking out wrapped around each other smiling and laughing, something inside her was causing her to want to go out with Chase again, just to get back at Remy.

"Don't." It was the sound of her boss, Lisa Cuddy was standing behind her.

"What?" She asked, feigning innocence

"Don't go over there, don't try to mess with nurse Taylor's shifts, and for God's sake, do not call Chase."

"I wasn't going to." Cameron said, "I thought about it, but I won't." She smiled the Cameron smile as genuinely as she could.

"go home?" Lisa said to her, "I'm sure someone can cover for you, anyway, it's a fairly slow night."

"Really?" Allison asked

"Go, I would." Lisa squeezed her shoulder and whispered "It will get better, just give it some time."

"I know." Cameron said.

"Or tell her." Lisa said as she was walking away.

Remy was at home, watching TV whilst Gabi was reading on the couch. The phone rang. Remy got up and answered it.

"Hello...Oh, Hi." She put her hand over the mouth piece, "Hey um I have to take this, I'm gonna go in the bedroom okay?"

"Okay hun," Gabi looked up at her and smiled.

It made Remy smile, but she didn't get the butterflies in her stomach the way she did as soon as she put the phone back up to her ear.

"Allie. Hi. What's up."

"nothing, I just…I um," her voice faded away

"Are you crying? What's wrong?" She was worried now

"no. I'm not crying. I'm fine, I just wanted…I need to talk to you."

"Okay…it's just..it's kind of awkward right now. I um,"

"Gabi's there?" Allison knew as soon as Remy had started talking

"Yeah,…where are you?"

"At home, why?"

"The bar. I know it was bad last time, I won't get mad this time I swear." Her voice had gotten quieter

"okay. Twenty minutes."

"Sure. By Allie."

"Bye Rems." Remy's stomach flipped at the sound of her nick name that only Allie used.

She walked back out into the lounge.

"Hey, um look that was the hospital, I've got to go in. you're welcome to stay here but I might not be back." She said putting her shoes on.

"Oh..okay babe, well I guess I'll just head home then, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Absolutely."

Remy kissed Gabi and lingered a little, like Allie had when she'd broken up with her the Thursday morning four weeks before. Then she grabbed her keys and ran out of her apartment.

She walked into the bar and saw Allie sitting at their usual table. She ran over and sat down.

"hi." She looked at Allison, her eyes were red and sore, she didn't look like Allison. Allison looked like she, Remy had three weeks ago when she was first in the shock of them having broken up.

"Hey," Her voice was hoarse, she coughed a little, "I'm sorry, for pulling you out like this."

"I suggested it, you have nothing to be sorry for." Remy grabbed Allie's hands, "nothing. Just, before you say whatever you need to; I shouldn't have pushed you, you weren't ready I'm sorry."

"I am." Allie said, Remy's eyes grew wide.

"what?" she asked

"I am. Ready I mean. i…if you…but you're with Gabi so…and I'm confused and …gosh what have I done. I'm so sorry, I should just go."

Remy tightened her grip on Cameron's hands.

"Why?" Remy said

"What?"

"Why are you ready now?" Remy wasn't quite sure what she was saying. She was excited and happy and slightly nervous that Cameron was ready to be in this properly but she was still a little unsure as to why.

"Because…last week, when I saw you walk out with Gabi, and everyone looking and talking and you being able to just kiss each other right there in the lobby. I realised that I wasn't scared of that anymore. I want that."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

Remy's phone rang and she answered it without looking.

"Hi…Hi Gabs, what?...yeah. yes…I am sorry Gab…yeah…okay, bye Gabrielle."

She put away her phone, and looked up at Allie.

"Gabi" Cameron said

"Yeah…we broke up."

"Are you okay?"  
"Do you really, honestly want to do this."  
"Yes." Allie sounded more confident and more sure than she ever had to Remy about anything besides House.

"then yeah, I'm okay."


End file.
